Making space for 'hello' as an autistic man in a crowded room

In conversation, I came across a phrase which translates as, “Make space for hello.” The conversation was about returning to a setting and being able to say hello.

In the UK a similar phrase would be about not burning your bridges, to me being able to say hello is far more heartfelt and sincere.

I posted about this on LinkedIn and it sparked conversation, both on the platform but also in real life. It was in real life that a conversation took this to a new place and a really interesting one, in my humble opinion.

As some people know I struggle with large gatherings of people, that may be for work, it may be what most people see as a social event, but to me it’s noise and conflict and misunderstandings.

I don’t mean conflict in people fighting, not even arguing but I am picking up different cues to others. This isn't a choice, it isn’t fun and it takes a great deal of emotional and mental energy to temper my thoughts into what is actually happening.

Taking this new conversation turned “Make space for hello” from a lovely and heartfelt sentiment to an action, to a possibility, to a coping strategy.

Recently I was at a conference and we were waiting to go into the main conference hall. My brain was starting to struggle, it was hearing noise, it was seeing no way to the fire exit, it was experiencing the mêlée in front of me. (All of this was in my head, the majority of the other people at the conference were chatting, laughing, joking and catching up with each other.)

I had been to the organisers (an internal conference) and offered to help set things up, to show people where they needed to be, or to help with moving furniture. All of this was politely turned down as I was a candidate and not expected to be helping.

Just as I was trying to get out of the crowd I bumped into a colleague who I hadn’t really spoken to before.

This was where hello came in, rather than just going by and getting out of the place we said hello.

Hello can be said in so many ways, this day in this moment it was a genuine invitation for a conversation. The difference came about because of the person asking. They made space for a response, they made space for a conversation.

This conversation became one of the most important conversations I had since being diagnosed as Autistic.

Because of the space this person created for the conversation to flow I found a reason not to leave the building, I found a reason for being in the crowd and I found a reason for being me.

The crowd around me calmed, the energy in the space changed, the noise reduced and the conversation flowed.

This position of having a reason to be me was a real point of change. I realised that the room quietened because I had a purpose, a focus and that focus was enjoying a conversation. Not doing a job, not helping set things up but being me and enjoying that.

A different day, different people and yet the space for hello was there. Hello started the conversation and hello started the realisation that there was a common connection and a theme and an instant connection.

"Maybe make space for hello," is a phrase which can be used to return to a place or a time or a situation/company. It will always live in my head and heart as that.

Maybe it is more, maybe it is a way I can cope with crowds, with new situations, with family gatherings. Maybe it is a coping strategy, maybe it is a start, the start of a new me.

Maybe try it, make space for the conversation that can come after the hello. Make space for the other person as someone made for me.